Appropriate plane behavior

I would like to dedicate this post to the girl sitting beside my friend Kim on a recent trip. Let me just give a list of all the food this girl ate on the flight that was definitely not more than 3.5 hours.
1. Banana
2. Granola bar
3. Yogurt
4. HARDBOILED EGG
5. Sandwich
6. Sandwich
7. Bag of popcorn
8. Pear
9. A piece of CAKE

Ok really girlfriend. Did that just happen? And how did you get through security? After she had her 4 course breakfast she pulled out an eye mask with eyes embroidered on it, a piece of fabric as a “blanket”, and a neck pillow. My favorite part was when she fell asleep and her face kept flopping over at Kim and her little embroidered eyes were staring at Kim.

This brings me to a few rules that should be common knowledge:
1.) Don’t eat something on a plane that smells so bad it would make even a non-pregnant person gag.
2.) Let’s not get pissy (no pun intended) if you’re asked to get up so I can go to the bathroom. We’ve got two options here, you get up or you get wet.
3.) Put the arm rest down. Planes have individual seats, we’re not sharing a loveseat people.
4.) If you’re not an attractive single man let’s agree to not speak.
5.) Please remember that I’m going to judge you based on what you’re reading. Put away your book about marching bands. I can’t handle that. Who even knew a book about marching bands existed?
6.) Filing your fingernails on a plane gives me the right to choke you.
7.) If you’ve got some bad BO going on, you better not raise your hand to turn your light or air on or off. You sit there in the dark and think about what you’ve done.

Ok thanks for playing, and let’s all promise to get it under control on planes.